A squirrel held me captive

On Tuesday I went to the grocery and returned to hear funny noises in the hot tub room. I assumed it was outside until the girls exited the car to help unload the food. They came towards the back door and saw a squirrel in our screened in room. He seemed very upset (angry) that he was trapped and ran around the room possessed. We screamed as though we were auditioning for a bad horror flick and slammed the door once inside safely. A quick headcount helped to determine we were without a member, the baby was still in his car seat. We used the porch door to unload the baby and the groceries. However, the extra fridge was in the screened room. I had planned on using it since a veggie family of six needs a lot of produce. I banged on the wall trying to encourage our visitor to leave out the door that I propped open. As I stepped out to put a few items in, I noticed the loaf of french bread that had been accidentally left out was half eaten. I opened the fridge and HE popped out to hiss at me. I decided there must be enough room in the inside fridge. Our playdates arrived to an explanation that no swimming was allowed today as we were being held captive by a varmint. I called Michael to inform him of his evening plan. He suggested options for me to handle this situation but I feel some tasks are not for me, so I declined the offer of a solution. The kids spent many trips near to the room to assure me they thought the visitor had vacated. Not convinced, I held firm thank goodness. We were anxiously awaiting Michael when I heard noises in the outside room. I explained to my mom on the phone that this thing was taunting me when in fact it was just Michael chasing him out with the flag from the baby bike seat. Does this seem odd to anyone else as it is small, thin and useless? Did he not remember the rats? After a few rounds around the hot tub room by the squirrel and Michael not enjoying five faces glued to the window screaming out advice as to which direction he'd run and where his next move would take him, Michael made a trip to the shed for a rake. The explanation was to protect his face, so he pokes the rake behind the fridge and out flies the squirrel to the top corner of the screen and painted wood. He could not get a grip-- we have concluded this is probably due to the entire loaf of french bread. He somersaults, as we in the house screech and then double over with laughter, and lands in the baby stroller. After his poorly executed gymnastic move , he did scurry out the door. Michael comes in to explain that he must clean up after the squirrel since he did eat the bread. We assumed he hid the remaining bread behind the fridge until Michael checked thoroughly. That squirrel ate the ENTIRE loaf of french bread and was a bit bloated causing his tumble. Michael suggested to the girls that he may have been distributing the bread as one would in a soup kitchen handing it out to the needy squirrels in the yard (picture 6ft 5 man demonstrating how a squirrel would walk on hind legs to hand out bread at the door). Well, I feel comfortable now that he is not coming back, but just in case Michael is supposed to add plexi glass to the bottom of the screening for the holes in the screen room from the rats. For a woman who hates to have anything in her house who does not significantly contribute to the family ( I am a busy mom who needs no more work) you would think I would have posted the unwelcome sign more clearly. I am now recovering at the beach with my sister and all 6 of our kids. Who knows what kind of vacation I might need if we experience a large infestation ever. Poor Michael will have to start a new savings plan.