When I signed on for this job as a mother, I admit I envisioned a little Leave It To Beaver mixed with the Brady Bunch and seasoned with the Cosby Show. In hind sight, we do use a lot of the ironic comedy found in the Bill Cosby's work so maybe I was not completely off the mark. My problem this week is emotions and expectations.
By emotions, I mean mine and everyone's in the house. The baby is teething (enough said) and he is a nursing toddler (picture yoga and nursing- simultaneously- and this is my life). The oldest of my girls seems to be in a good place but only after a 6 month period of rolling eyes and establishing what "ACTUALLY" defines sassy behavior. The middle girl is always a tight rope walk when it comes to emotions. We have tried dietary changes, books until Amazon is sending me pleas to combine all my knowledge and write one of my own, and plain old fashion reward and punishment to no avail. Each day it is like juggling eggs, today I awoke to crying about school work and we had not even discussed expectations of the day yet. And this brings me to the youngest girl. She has watched my middle child and apparently taken good notes because what can a parent do when a child refuses to make their fingers move on a piano. At some point yesterday, I was reminded of my Love and Logic parenting- you can make them got into their room but not make them sleep. This is great advice except I have strong willed children and just how do you make them stay in the room without physical touch. I am a big fan of showing my kids the respect that I expect to receive. I feel modeling is far more important than words, but then which adult around them is modeling throwing themselves on the floor and yelling "I amn't going to piano and you can't make me play"? By the time Michael arrived home, I was actually holding the wine and the glass and just waiting for the door to crack. We have an unwritten rule that if you are the only one around with these small people, you must not be in a place where you have to call 911 for a minor emergency because YOU have been drinking. Seems logical until you have been managing emotions of 6 people for several months and feel like the egg you were juggling this morning cracking. I did drink a glass of wine and then I did proceed to sit in my bed and read until everyone else went to bed. Had a nice conversation with my husband about how he is amazed that I can do this each day (me too actually).
But then this is the job of motherhood. Makes me wonder why they have not done a series on life like this, no need to swap wives or eat gross things, just daily life is amusing enough.
On to expectations of which it has been said mine are a bit out of whack. I realized last night and then again this morning that my expectations for myself are very high- isn't that what allows for success? But I pass that on without thought to all those around me, and it caused me to wonder if we are not all hard wired for such perfectionism. Yes, I do realize that my be a bit late in coming as I am 37 and just now realizing that not everyone like things to be just so. What I am trying to wrestle with is when can I let go of my expectations and let the kids have their own personalities? I firmly believe that if you set the bar high, anyone can reach and meet it. But is this real? I am just working through what my expectations for each child are and how to reflect each one's personal preferences without slacking off on the younger ones as I get older. How hard do I push without pushing them over the edge? I will continue to ponder this thought since it involves way more than just my responsibility as their teacher but as their parent.
So now I am on the tight rope balancing eggs (emotions) and jumping rope (expectations). Anyone want to join me--at the very least we can scramble them for breakfast?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Wow … you’ve got a lot on your plate! I appreciate your concern about how hard to push them. It seems that when we try to push them they often resist (plus they can always win since they ultimately control their behavior … great example with not moving her fingers on the piano!) Allowing kids to develop their own internal motivation and self-discipline is really important but not easy. My kids go to public school so it’s much easier to let them decide how hard to work on their studies (and then deal with whatever consequences happen at school). Good luck!
Well, I think my dear husband said it best when he said "Anyone who has four kids is crazy!" LOL, you know I'm gently kidding you, because you also know that he sees you as the one in a million who could handle it.
Darling, wise, loving friend/super-mommy, I am with Amazon on this one. Even with 18 years of parenting under my belt, I find myself eager for your counsel on many matters. My first suggestion would be to cut yourself some slack.
My second suggestion would be to maybe consider not forcing issues like piano... I say this with love, as a person who took piano for many many years and still can't play, and hated every minute of it. Though I agree that setting high standards and having expectations is important, sometimes I do feel, particularly with the little ones, that we push them into activities that may or may not suit them, because of an expectation we've got that is not necessarily crucial. Does that make sense? I guess I'm saying, ask yourself what's worth the bloody battle and what isn't.
Anyway, obviously, I would not presume to tell you how to parent, as you are far more naturally gifted at it than I could ever aspire to be. Hang in there, and call me if you need a drinking buddy!
Post a Comment